Competition
by Ri Toraookami
Summary: Having gotten tired with Ichigo's constant mocking and teasing, Renji proposes a new contest that he's very certain he's going to win...Ichigo x Renji in later chapters, but trust me, it's fluff free.
1. Let the game begin

"I think we need to come up with a plan, in case something like Urahara's trick happens for real someday…" Ishida sighed, glancing around the room at his gathered friends. Orihime smiled brightly, nodding.

"Yeah! Something that only we'd know! A secret password!"

"Idiot, that wouldn't work… anyone with any intellect would get around that. It has to involve more than one of us doing something really strange! Like, something that'd definitely throw anybody off…" Renji glared at his companion, smirking proudly when Ichigo and Ishida agreed enthusiastically. Orihime looked to Chad, then Rukia, but found no support.

"An act. Something we keep up from the second someone disappears. Perhaps fake a relationship? I mean, it has to be something fairly subtle, so no acting like we hate someone we don't and starting to fight with them right away. But a relationship could be done much less obviously."

"Who the hell would do it? It'd need to be something that would throw a fake completely, so me and Orihime probably wouldn't work, Renji and Rukia wouldn't work…maybe Ishida and Rukia?"

"But he really does lo-um, I mean, I don't think Uryuu's the best choice…" Orihime giggled, an embarrassed look crossing her face.

"And I mean, if I tried it it'd be kinda hard because even though chocolate and ramen taste really yummy together none of you would ever want to try it so they wouldn't think that you and I were-um…um…aaah! I don't remember what I was saying…" She carried on, getting ever less comprehensible and trying to articulate her words through a set of bizarre hand-motions that reminded everyone more of a tentacle-monster than it helped to convey any sort of intelligible meaning. Leaning back against the desk with frustration, Ichigo put a hand on his forehead.

" So Ishida and Orihime are both out?"

"Me too," Chad shook his head, staring down at the ground. "I'm sorry, Ichigo.:"

"Well, then who does that leave? Nobody would be thrown off by me and Rukia, or that idiot Renji pretending to date Orihime…"

"Who's an idiot?!" Renji growled, grabbing Ichigo's shoulders and forcing him to stand. Ichigo raised his hands, trying to switch their positions to get the upper hand for himself. Smirking at the taller male, Ichigo tripped him, pushing at the same time. Renji hit a desk, sending it skidding back several feet with an unpleasant screech of metal.

"You! You're weak and stupid! I can't believe you let me trip you again!"

"I am not, you damn little-" Scrambling to his feet, he crossed his arms and tried to glare Ichigo to death. Ichigo's hand reached for the talisman that hung from his belt, but was stopped by Ishida.

"Both of you, shut up!" Having confiscated it, Ishida then stepped between the two, hands out. This course of action proved to be futile, however, as Ichigo simply darted around him, tackling Renji to the floor and putting him into a tight headlock.

"Ichigo, when did you trip him the first time?" Orihime tilted her head to the side, obviously trying her best to try and figure out when during the last two minutes Renji had fallen.

"When he wouldn't get out of his damn body."

"You just started yelling at me to 'undress' and saying creepy things like 'it's okay, just do it' and you wonder why I fought back? If you meant the body, you should have said that instead of trying to undress me!"

"Yeah, 'cause I can really tell you to get out of your body where everyone can hear."

"Better than having the whole class thinking you're trying to have sex with your relative."

"So it's my fault you're stupid?"

"That's it. Renji! If you don't shut up right now, I'm going to tell Jinta that he's free to do whatever he wants with you! As for you, Ichigo…I sleep in your room. Cut it out. None of this is working, so how about we just abandon the idea for now and go back to it when these two hot-headed children settle down?"

"Why are you following me home? Go back to Urahara's, or better yet, back to Byakuya. Unless he decided you suck as a vice-captain…" Ichigo asked, not bothering to turn and acknowledge Renji with eye contact. This proved not to be the brightest of moves, as he was the recipient of a rather strong boot to the back of the head which knocked him to his hands and knees on the pavement.

"I'm not going to leave this place to you! Everyone would be Hollow food in a week!" Scrambling up, Ichigo tossed a pebble at Renji's head, rubbing away the blood from his palms on his pants.

"Yeah, right…I bet right now Byakuya's sitting in his room, happy that it's finally quiet."

"Please stop using my given name, Ichigo Kurosaki." A large flash of familiar energy blew through both of their bodies, sending a slight shiver down Ichigo's spine. Standing in front of them, lengthy scarf billowing in the gentle breeze, was Byakuya Kuchiki, and he looked even less impressed than usual.

"C-Captain Kuchiki?!" Renji paled as he waited for his superior to speak again. Whatever had brought Byakuya here wasn't going to be good news…sure enough, the man's dark eyes were focused not on Ichigo, but himself. After a lengthy silence, Byakuya finally spoke.

"You have been neglecting your duties, Abarai."

"M-my…my duties? What-what do you mean, Captain Kuchiki? I-I've been working really hard. Hollows, that trick of Urahara's…" Renji shuddered as he felt another powerful flash of energy rush through him in warning.

"Your paperwork. All of it."

"O-oh, right…the paperwork." Renji sighed with relief, his breathing patterns attempting to return to something that could be considered natural. Ichigo snickered at him, but quieted down at Byakuya's silent warning.

"I expect you to finish in a timely fashion, Abarai." Byakuya turned, taking his time in walking away. After the man was out of sight, Renji collapsed onto the grass.

"Man, I thought I was gonna die or something…" He groaned, putting his head in his hands. Why in both worlds had Byakuya traveled all the way here just to scold him about paperwork? It wasn't like him in the least…

"Coward."

"Coward, huh? I'm gettin' kinda tired of you always calling me names like that. Wanna play a little game? You won't last five minutes."

"Whatever it is, you're going to get destroyed, Renji." Ichigo crossed his arms defiantly, glaring down at the long-haired man. Licking his lips, Renji stood and stepped closer. Just as he'd expected, the boy'd had fallen for it. When it came to matters like this, there was no way someone like Ichigo would be able to hold out.

"We'll see. It's gonna be nice to have a meal without being called a freeloader every five seconds." Renji brushed deliberately against Ichigo's side as he walked past him, making no acknowledgement of their contact. Stretching out, he turned, walking slowly backwards as he spoke.

"First one to back down is the weaker man…you make me say stop, you win. I make you say stop, I win. Physical contact only, nothing that counts as outright assault, other than that there are no rules."


	2. RIP, Ichigo's Pride

"You're late again, Ichigo! You said you'd be right home after school!" Isshin pounced at his son, as he did every day. And, again as happened every day, he was knocked down to the ground. As he was brushing the dirt off of his clothing, he finally took notice of the other figure. Looking Renji over, he smiled in a fashion that sent a slight shiver down the other man's spine.

"Hellllo Ichigo's friend!" Isshin did what could almost consider a lunge forward and grabbed the redhead's shoulder, dragging the confused man further into the house. Renji stepped back, a wary look on his face as he put a hand on Ichigo's forearm.

"Uh...hi."

"No need to be shy there! While my son may be so cold as to let his honoured guests stand in the frigid doorway I shall not allow such rude treatment." He gestured grandly, almost smacking Renji in the face as he spoke. Silently cursing the fact that the rules forbade what he'd love to do right now, Renji nodded and put on a large, fake smile.

"I'm used to the way he treats people…" He explained innocently. Isshin relaxed his grip on the redhead at this and turned back to where Ichigo was attempting to sneak up to his room.

"What a considerate friend you have to put up with your rudeness! You don't even greet your own father properly Ichigo!" he hollered as he attempted to catch his son off-guard with a flying kick to the head. Whirling around and grabbing his father's foot, he jerked forward and then let go, standing on Isshin's back when the man fell to the floor.

"Enough, dad! Seriously...every day.." Ichigo rubbed his temple with exasperation, trying to fight off the urge to kill his father right that moment.

"Very good defense son. Though your meager attempts to repel my attacks can not dampen my fatherly love!" Isshin managed to choke out despite the fact his face was pressed against the hardwood floor.

Renji stepped behind Ichigo, breathing gently on the back of his neck. When Ichigo flinched and turned to ask what in the world he was doing, he ducked under the arm and helped Isshin up.

"You should see what he does to me..."

"Oh Masaki, our son is so cold" he whined as he let himself be helped up from the floor.

"You'll never find a wife like this Ichigo. You should be more respectful to daddy, like your friend here." Isshin pointed a finger dramatically at his son, who completely ignored his actions.

"Who the hell said I want a wife? I'm 15! And you're a freak." Ichigo rubbed his neck, still feeling the effects of Renji's breath. He hadn't done a thing in return yet, and wondered why Renji was so comfortable with the game, but the time had come. Any more time passes, and Renji might think he was giving up.

"So you want a boyfriend then! Why didn't you tell daddy?" Isshin eyed Renji with a measuring look that had the redhead stepping back a bit. A moment passed before he shouted, "Welcome to the family!" practically glomping Renji.

"Uh...aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself? I mean, welcoming me to the family when we've only just met...and we're really not settling down together, you know...not with this guy." Renji pried the overly-excited parent off of himself, flashing Ichigo a proud smirk as he began to walk way.

"I'll be in your room, Ichigo..."

"Renji, I'm gonna kill you!" He yelled at the retreating figure, before turning back to his father.

"I don't want a boyfriend, dad! How does not wanting to get married at 15 make me gay?!" Isshin seemingly ignored his son's pleas and waved happily at Renji's form as it made it's way down the hall.

"You shouldn't leave your boyfriend waiting Ichigo," he tsked "But don't be late for dinner," he added before walking off in the other direction.

"And be sure to wear protection if it comes to that…" he sing-singed over his shoulder before he was out of earshot.

"Oh, god...I'M NOT GAY!" Ichigo stormed off upstairs, slamming the door behind him and pouncing on Renji. Grabbing a handful of dark red hair, Ichigo yanked hard and elbowed the man in the ribs with his other arm.

"That was the last thing I needed in life, Renji! Do you have any idea what life's going to be like now? He'll crow about his gay son every chance he gets, and if I'm really unlucky I might get stuck listening to stories from when he was my age!"

"Heh. I didn't do anything, he guessed it all on his own and I said we aren't together..."

Cries of 'Oh Masaki, how our son has grown and been overcome by the throes of young love!' and 'What a nice son-in-law I'll have!' could be heard coming through the floor.

"...if it wouldn't destroy the house, I'd cut you in half with Zangetsu right now." Ichigo attempted a punch to the face, but his hand was caught and he was instead thrown to the ground. Kicking out Renji's legs from under him, Ichigo booted him in the chest. Since Renji was still against the bed, this didn't do the damage that it could have, not even fully winding him. They continued to fight on and off until they were called down for supper, and even then Ichigo tried to shove Renji down the stairs on the way to the kitchen. Isshin smirked at the two out-of-breath boys, waving in the direction of the table, where two bowls were placed side by side. As Karin and Yuzu were already seated, and Isshin was standing prepared to force them to sit together, Ichigo resigned himself and took a seat, pulling his bowl as far as he could from Renji's.

"Oh, come now Ichigo! You don't need to be shy Sit with Renji, it's only right…"

"How many times do I have to tell you-"

"What are you two fighting about now?" Karin asked boredly in between bites of food. Ichigo tensed, shooting his father a glare that screamed "Don't even start!". Oblivious as always to his son's actions, Isshin smiled broadly and swooped down to hug his son and 'future son-in-law'.

"Ichigo's found himself a wonderful boy I'm so proud!" Mock tears pooling in the corners of his eyes, Isshin waited for his daughters to share in his elation. This, of course, didn't come even close to occurring. Yuzu simply tilted her head in confusion, and Karin threw a small piece of meat at her father's head.

"Quit making up stupid things."

"I'm not! You're so cruel to me, Karin…" Isshin sniffled, releasing the boys in order to go to his end of the table and sulk. Any sense of shame long abandoned in the pursuit of fun, Renji put an arm around Ichigo's shoulder and tugged him into an awkward sort of embrace.

"Renji, let me g-I swear to you, you're going to die tonight." Ichigo caught himself just in time to keep from losing, settling for trying to struggle his way out.

"Nothing you say's gonna change his mind, Ichigo. You said so yourself earlier, right before you attacked me. And I don't think anything you can do is gonna kill me." He reminded his captive as he began to eat with his other hand.

"Ah, the boiling passion of youth…" Isshin sighed happily as he watched the two. Karin frowned at her brother, then shook her head and devoted all her attention to the meal in front of her.

"It's nice to meet you, Renji…" Yuzu smiled at their guest, offering him some more to eat. Releasing Ichigo in order to take the offered seconds, Renji returned the smile as politely as he could.

"You're such a good girl…how can you have a brother like him?" That was it; Ichigo couldn't take another minute without taking action. He stomped on Renji's foot, grinding his heel in deeply.

"Ah! Ichigo, stop it! I'm trying to eat!" Renji booted Ichigo in the shin as revenge and stole a particularly large piece of beef from his plate.

"Can we please, please just eat in peace? Just this once?"

After Renji had eaten his fill of dinner, reveling in not being mocked for daring to have an appetite the whole time, he excused himself. Ichigo's father, and likely his sisters as well, thought that the two were lovers, Ichigo had done what pretty much amounted to nothing today, and he'd already almost quit once. And for all of these results, only a few actions of his own had been required. Ichigo would be finished in no time at this rate.


	3. Ichigo gains some fangirls

The next morning Ichigo came to school very tired, and very ready to drag Renji to the roof of the school and throw him off. Isshin had ambushed him after he'd brushed his teeth and forced him to listen to a series of lectures, all of which were sexual in nature and most of which taught Ichigo things he didn't want to know about his father. The knowledge that his eventual destination was Soul Society comforted him, as it showed there wasn't a god who would put someone through that. His expression was enough to make pretty much all of his classmates keep their distance; unfortunately, and as always, Keigo wasn't one of them. As soon as he reached the hallway his first class was in, the brunet popped up out of what seemed like nowhere, dorky grin on his face.

"You look tired, Ichigo!"

"…if you haven't seen Renji this morning, go away."

"He's been looking for you, too…are you limping?" Keigo asked, the grin becoming ever wider. Ichigo knocked him to the ground without even looking at him, adding one more thing to the mental list of things to kill Renji for. His shin still hurt like hell, and against his will he'd been limping slightly all morning. If Renji wasn't favoring his foot, he would be by the time Ichigo was done with him. And his arm, and his ribs…

"Yeah, I am. So what?" Ichigo growled as he looked down on his classmate, showing him the large, dark bruise across his leg.

"Eheheh…nothing. Renji was in our classroom last time I saw him…"

"Renji, I'm going to rip you to pieces!" Ichigo pounced at Renji the second he was in range, knocking him to the ground. Both fists clenching the man's shirt, he paid no attention to the other students who were staring with bemusement at the two. Renji struggled, trying to knee Ichigo in the chest in order to get him off and failing.

"What did I do?" He asked with a small smirk, resting his hand on Ichigo's chest and undoing one of the buttons. Suddenly very thankful that his body was blocking the view of what Renji had done, Ichigo smacked his hand away.

"You know exactly what! I learned a lot of really unpleasant things last night thanks to you…" He hissed in the redhead's ear in hopes of ensuring that he wouldn't have to explain to questioning classmates what said things were.

"Heh heh heh…not my fault that your father has issues." Renji shrugged, once again beginning to run his hand over the front of Ichigo's uniform, unbuttoning it as he went. Sitting up, Ichigo quickly fixed his shirt, turning away from Renji to keep the man from being able to play with his clothing any further. His cheeks were pink, much to his frustration, and he turned his head. He was still losing, and if he fought back now he'd only be ensuring that half the girls in the school would be squealing and sharing gossip about them…why they were only fascinated with a guy if they thought he was gay in the first place anyway?

"Guys, shut up…it's too early for me to kill you..." Rukia groaned, moving her head to give them a weak attempt at a glare before her eyes fell shut again. Renji snickered.

"You weren't the only one kept up for education last night, Ichigo."

"Rukia's lucky enough to bear no relation to my father…"Shuddering as a particularly unpleasant bit of advice popped back into his mind, Ichigo elbowed Renji in the stomach, then sat in his desk. Glancing around and seeing the loudmouthed brunet that loved annoying Ichigo, he licked his lips. Stepping up to Ichigo's side a last time, he gave a small smile to Keigo before leaning to press his cheek against Ichigo's, hands resting gently on his shoulders.

"I'd hate to interrupt your classes again, so I'll see you at lunch." He muttered, sliding his hand over Ichigo's neck as he pulled away. Ichigo's face made a valiant attempt to match Renji's hair as he bolted up, smacking the tattooed arm away from him. Much to his chagrin, it was too late. From behind him, he could hear the small squeals of excitement that set in stone his new role as the girl's favorite plaything.

"I'm not the fake, you know, Ichigo, really!" Orihime clenched her fist emphatically as she watched the two.

"…what?"

"It's a really good idea for you two to do the pretending since you're really the only ones who were really for it, but trust me, it isn't me who's fake."

"Oh, that thing from yesterday? It's not like that, it's just a game we're playing!"

"I see. Okay then, good luck!" All concern gone from her face, she giggled and returned to her seat. Ichigo shook his head, leaning down on the desk.

"That shouldn't have been so easy, but at least she believed me…" He mumbled to himself with a sigh. The whispering and pointing that was directed at him after Renji's latest move were cut mercifully short by the beginning of class, but he could still see Rukia out of the corner of his eye staring at him like he was mad.

When the opportunity came (namely when Rukia ceased bearing a half-dead expression), Ichigo made a futile attempt to explain why he had "allowed himself to be drawn into such an infantile and pointless competition" as she put it. Despite his insistence that he couldn't let Renji beat him even if it meant losing all of his dignity, all he got as a half-hearted smack to the back of the head before Rukia wandered off to nap more while she had the chance. Renji kept his promise, not appearing again before lunch but doing so in spectacular fashion when the time came. Swooping in beside him as the boy left the classroom and slipping an arm tightly around Ichigo's waist , Renji leaned in to whisper in his ear.

"Are you ever going to fight back at all? This is getting boring, so either start playing back or you're going to lose by default."

"Okay, then…you've already screwed things up, so…" Ichigo made no move to force Renji to release him, ignoring the other students as he was led to the yard. Once the two of them were out of site, Ichigo rested his head on Renji's shoulder as he began to eat, one hand on Renji's knee. The redhead chuckled, slipping the hand up slightly without looking down and pulling Ichigo closer. Flinching a little but not backing down, Ichigo copied one of Renji's tricks and began breathing gently on the man's neck once he was finished with lunch. An idea formed, and he tilted his head up to look into Renji's eyes.

"Since you followed me home yesterday, I'm going to do the same. That little brat seems pretty fond of you, and it'd be interesting to see what he'd think of all this."

"You wouldn't."

"I listened to hours of sex lectures from my father last night. I don't care what happens to you, nothing will top that." Smirking, Ichigo slipped out from Renji's grip and began to walk back to the school, leaving the man to contemplate what would be in store for him from a place he was endlessly mocked for what more or less added up to existing…not, he supposed, that it was anything new…


	4. No shame is a prerequisite for this

"Can't you do anything other than parrot the stuff I do to you?" Renji asked with a bored sigh as he felt Ichigo's fingers hesitantly touching his side as they walked. Drawing back, Ichigo snarled.

"You've had your hands all over me for the last two days, what else can I do?"

"Try using your head for once? There's more to playing this game than putting an arm around someone's waist and hovering in their personal space, and you're sure as hell not going to make me quit with things I don't think twice about doing to you." Renji swatted the back of his friend's head teasingly as they walked, then picked up his pace.

"I'll go on ahead, leave you to try and form some ideas."

"Oh, no you don't." Ichigo reached up, fumbling for a bit before finding the tie that kept Renji's hair in its place and jerking it out, some of Renji's hair coming with it.

"Ow! What the hell?" Renji put a hand on the back of his head, shoving Ichigo against the fence on their right, hair falling into Ichigo's face as he glared down at him.

"Abarai…do explain what it is that you are doing instead of the work I requested." Byakuya's calm voice asked from behind the two, causing Renji's knees to give out. Turning to his captain with a mix of fear and embarrassment on his face, he attempted to force a coherent explanation out.

"I-I…he pulled my hair loose really roughly, and, um, I wanted to, you know, get him back…for it…" Face reddening with every passing moment looking into Byakuya's expressionless face, Renji finally gave up and bowed his head, grateful for the hair shielding the vivid blush on his cheeks.

"And you did so by pinning him against a fence?"

"W-Well, Captain Kuchiki, I was going to, um, yell at him a bit so I wanted eye contact..." Glancing back at Ichigo, who seemed to be quite enjoying his suffering, he realized halfway through that his explanation made no sense but couldn't stop it.

"Renji. That's enough." Byakuya ordered, a sound that could almost have been called a quiet sigh following the command. He turned away from his vice-captain.

"It's none of my concern as long as you have done what I asked, which I assume you have?"

"Yes, sir..." Beginning to walk away upon receiving a satisfactory response, Byakuya didn't waste time by looking back or instructing the two to follow. When he heard no footsteps other than his own, he slowed momentarily.

"You drag your feet, Renji."

"Yes, Captain Kuchiki. I'm coming." Renji began to walk, biting his lip as he tried to catch up with his captain. Ichigo chuckled with amusement, placing his hand on Renji's shoulder and leaning over to whisper to him.

"You look like a girl with your hair down…especially when you blush like an idiot and stutter when talking to Byakuya. Quit trying to act tough."

"Shut up, Ichigo!" Renji hissed back, shoving the teen away and increasing his pace to catch up with Byakuya.

"Oh, so the freeloader's bringing friends, huh? I guess you're giving up your share of dinner then?" Jinta drawled as he caught sight of the trio. He pushed off of the wall, smirking mockingly at Renji and paying absolutely no attention, let alone respect, to Byakuya. He was soon informed of his mistake when a scathing glare was trained on both him and Renji, and backed away a few steps. His path now clear, Byakuya entered the shop and disappeared from sight. Renji darted off after him, and the two remaining outside could hear a variety of crashes and a surprised yelp from Renji. Shaking his head, Ichigo entered to watch the rest of the spectacle for himself. Renji had somehow found the opportunity to tie his hair back again, and he was holding a large stack of papers out to Byakuya. Accepting it wordlessly, Byakuya flipped through them before turning.

"Do not fall behind again, Renji." He warned, not interested in hearing Renji's response seeing as he knew the man would behave better from then on. Renji's response was automatic, however, and still reached his ears as he was leaving.

"Of course not, Captain Kuchiki." Satisfied as he could be considering the circumstances, Byakuya gave his vice-captain a slight nod of recognition then left. After he was certain that the man was gone, Renji turned on Ichigo and kicked his legs out from under him.

"If Byakuya decides to cut my pay or something for this, I'm going to make your dad's lectures seem like heaven."

"It'd serve you right." Ichigo reciprocated the man's action, pouncing on him and trying to pin his arms down. Renji grinned, pulling free and switching their positions, throwing in an elbow to Ichigo's stomach at the same time. Ichigo began to cough, wrapping his leg around Renji's and kicking him soundly in the calf. Renji slammed Ichigo's hands down to the floor, leaning over to press his cheek against the teen's. Trying to fight back his rapidly growing blush, Ichigo was about to head-butt him when he heard a familiar voice chuckle from the doorway.

"My, my, Renji…you don't waste much time, do you?" Urahara asked lightly, a disconcerting smile coming over his face as he watched the two scramble up and apart from each other.

"That's no-" Renji glared at his host, but didn't daunt him in the least. Ichigo had gotten him this time…did he purposely let Renji get control over him? This couldn't possibly be a worse situation, because it _was _exactly what it looked like, just without the enjoyment.

"Oh, I don't mind But next time, try to last until the bedroom, all right?" The blond teased, stifling further laughter as Renji and Ichigo glared at each other. Now satisfied that he'd humiliated the two as well as could be expected, Urahara left the two to sulk.

"I can't believe you were serious about cutting my food in half…" Renji groaned, staring at the paltry amount of food sitting in front of him with despair and hunger. All he received in response to his protest was one of Urahara's vapid grins and a smirk from Jinta as the boy took a second helping. He looked longingly at Ichigo's full plate, debating whether the risk of stealing some of his food was worth the reward, before reaching across the table and grabbing several pieces of sashimi off the teen's plate.

"Hey! Eat your own, damn it!" Ichigo slapped Renji's arm, reaching as far as he could and just managing to get a firm hold on the plate, taking it away.

"They don't feed me enough!" Renji protested, looking down at the three morsels clutched in his hand that were going to be the entirety of his dinner unless he did something.

"You're practically a girl anyway, you might as well watch what you eat." Ichigo replied, struggling to keep a straight face until he finished his sentence and failing miserably. In the ensuing raucous laughter, Renji was able to steal a couple more handfuls of food and slink off into his room, wishing with great fervor that the table's occupants would choke.


End file.
